Connection and its deeper qualities, chemistry and charisma, allow communication among people to elevate to higher levels. When you make genuine connection with others, saying the right words comes easily because your intention is to connect more deeply.
What are Genuine Connection, Chemistry and Charisma?
Genuine connection is a two-way exchange of attention in human interactions. Genuine connection happens when you give your attention to another person and you receive their attention in return. By giving love and acceptance to the other person, you experience chemistry and the connection becomes a heart-to-heart exchange. Communion with others further deepens the quality of connection into a soul-to-soul level where you feel at-one with them. Creating chemistry and communion are where the attraction factor of charisma happens.
Why is Genuine Connection Important
One of the greatest life skills to learn is how to connect genuinely with others. The ability to connect with anyone, anywhere opens the doors to living a fuller, richer and more successful life. All opportunities come from connecting with other people. In your personal life, genuine connection leads to making friends, loving and being loved, enjoying the richness of intimacy. In your professional life, the ability to connect leads to success in networking, client interactions, co-worker cooperation, persuasion and sales.
Imagine you have the ability to connect easily with anyone, anywhere. You have complete confidence to reach out to others, engage their eyes, ears and hearts and receive their attention, no matter who they are. Think of the people you could meet, the fun you could have. Think of the business contacts you could develop, the things you could learn, the money you could make! What if you were so open that you magnetically attracted attention and you sparkled with charisma? Think of how your life would be different!
Mastering the art of genuine connection allows life to bring all opportunities because you are open to receive them. I believe that fear of connecting with others is the number one reason people are not as successful as they could be. Fear of making genuine connections closes us to opportunities.
Receiving Attention is the Key to Chemistry and Charisma
The key that opens up deeper connection and develops chemistry and charisma is the act of receiving others. Some people think that good communication is saying the right words. Or they think they have to express false excitement energy in order to hold the attention of others. They may end up saying too many words and throwing too much energy at listeners. So their own energy flows outwardly but no energy can come back into them. Energy is only flowing one way. That can be compelling for a while, but others are soon frustrated by the lack of exchange. Receiving others helps you make full connection with other people.
Charisma happens when you are receiving the attention of others. Charisma is not just generating dynamic energy, it is also receiving the flow of emotion and attention from others. You can elevate your communication skills by learning the simple act of receiving attention from other people. Receiving is opening yourself to take in another’s attention, without judgment or expectation. The more you receive others, the more they are drawn to you.
You hold their attention as if by magnetic attraction and they are compelled to pay attention to you. Because you are connecting so fully with them, you automatically know what to say in response to them. Speaking flows more easily in response to others. You don’t have to work so hard to think of what to say because you are being there for and with them.
How Ray Enhanced His Visibility at Work by Making Genuine Connection
In the 1st session of a recent Sandra Zimmer Method Public Speaking course, one participant Ray shared that he was reluctant to talk with the senior leaders of his company. He said he knew he had valuable information to share about his projects, but he felt uncomfortable to speak up in meetings attended by the leaders of the company.
In our 3rd class session, participants learned how to make receptive eye contact with others in the group in order to create genuine connection from the center of attention.
In the 4th session of our public speaking course, Ray announced that he had decided to sit next to the CEO in a meeting with the intention of connecting with him. He used soft eye contact and a smile to open a conversation with the CEO. Ray found him surprisingly easy to talk with. As a result, Ray not only connected with his CEO, but the CEO encouraged him to tell a valuable client story at that meeting. From that time on, Ray has been a shining light at his company and out in the world. I chanced to run into Ray in an elevator at Houston Grand Opera and he was literally radiant with joy.
The Secret of Connection, Chemistry and Charisma is in “Being With” Others
Anyone can learn to create these compelling qualities of connection, chemistry and charisma. The secret is to relax deeply into your own body and experience “being with” others rather than talking at them. I teach my clients to relax at the center of attention and use a soft eye contact to look at others. Soft eye contact allows them to feel receptive to others with no resistance. So it is easy to be with other people. With a little practice making soft eye contact, you can expand your comfort level to be with others so that you connect with anyone, anywhere. Imagine the quality of life you can have when you master the art of connection, allow yourself to create chemistry and maybe even communion… so you become the one who has charisma!
Sandra Zimmer is the President and Founder of the Self-Expression Center in Houston, Texas. She works with professionals who are struggling with communication, who are gripped with fear about speaking to groups or who don’t like the sound of their voice. She guides people through experiential learning programs that connect them with their natural abilities to express, communicate and present so they feel confident to share their ideas, insights and expertise with the world. Sandra can be reached at 281-293-7070 or at www.sandrazimmer.com .